xfirefly9x (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
xfirefly9x) wrote2007-10-30 10:09 am
xfirefly9x) wrote2007-10-30 10:09 am
#058 Nothing At All (Mal/Inara)
Title: Nothing At All
Fandom: Firefly
Characters: Mal/Inara
Prompt: #058 Brutal
Word Count: 780 (with lyrics) 513 (without lyrics)
Rating: PG
Summary: The words hung in the air like a bad smell, more brutal than a kick in the gut.
Notes: Written for![[insanejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/ij-userinfo.gif)
coclaim100. Lyrics from “Perfect World” by Simple Plan.
I never could have seen this far
I never could have seen this coming
It seems like my world’s falling apart (yeah)
Why is everything so hard?
I don’t think that I can deal
With the things you said
It just won’t go away
The words hung in the air like a bad smell, more brutal than a kick in the gut.
I’m leaving.
She had actually said it. Inara had actually said it.
She was leaving.
Mal stared down the now empty catwalk where she had disappeared from only minutes earlier. Nothing in the verse would have prepared him for her admission. Nothing would have prepared him for the near fatal blow it gave him.
I’m leaving.
He could hear his heart shatter in his chest even as the words repeated over and over and over in his mind.
In a perfect world
This could never happen
In a perfect world
You’d still be here
And it makes no sense
I can just pick up the pieces
But to you this means nothing
Nothing at all
The day after they dropped Inara off at the Companion Training House, the play count on the capture Kaylee had taken of her had increased to 43 plays. It wasn’t just Mal who’d been watching. Of that he was certain. The crew – all of them – had watched it at least once, Kaylee several times more.
By the time it had turned up mysteriously in Mal’s bunk it was already on 42. He’d reached for it gingerly as if the slightest touch would break it and with a heavy heart had pressed the play button.
The scene in Inara’s room of her packing the last of her possessions filled the screen once more and the aching in his chest increased. He let the capture fall to his desk and angrily walked over to his bed.
Sitting down on it, he put his head in his hands and fought back the tears he longed to shed.
I used to think that I was strong
Until the day it all went wrong
I think I need a miracle to make it through (Yeah)
I wish that I could bring you back
I wish that I could turn back time
Cuz I can’t let go
I just can’t find my way (Yeah)
Without you I just can’t find my way
He had been fine before Inara had arrived on Serenity – shiny, in fact – so why was it that now that she was gone, everything was falling apart? He had forgotten how to smile without her presence on the ship and his thoughts were filled with nothing but her.
He wanted to forget her. He wanted his mind erased of her scent. He wanted to close his eyes and not see her face.
He was in the woods once more, but this time the path was blocked.
In a perfect world
This could never happen
In a perfect world
You’d still be here
And it makes no sense
I can just pick up the pieces
But to you this means nothing
Nothing at all
Nightmares. He had started having nightmares.
He’d had plenty of them from the war, but none like these. These ones were all about her. These ones were about that day; that moment. They were tearing him apart.
I’m leaving.
He almost longed for the vivid images of his war buddies falling around him.
I don’t know what I should do now
I don’t know where I should go
I’m still here waiting for you
I’m lost when you’re not around
I need to hold onto you
I just can’t let you go
(Yeah, Yeah)
It finally hit him one day as he was watching the capture of Inara for the 97th time that he missed her.
He missed her more than he cared to admit.
He longed to put his arms around her and hold her close.
He longed to run his fingers through her hair and hear her voice once more.
He couldn’t let her go.
He couldn’t forget.
In a perfect world
This could never happen
In a perfect world
You’d still be here
And it makes no sense
I can just pick up the pieces
But to you this means nothing
Nothing at all
Nothing was going to change the situation. Nothing was going to bring Inara back. Mal knew it in his heart.
He had no choice but to go on, to keep flying.
Inara had left and that was all there was to it.
You feel nothing
Nothing at all
Nothing at all
Worse than anything was the thought that to Inara, none of it meant a damn thing.
Fandom: Firefly
Characters: Mal/Inara
Prompt: #058 Brutal
Word Count: 780 (with lyrics) 513 (without lyrics)
Rating: PG
Summary: The words hung in the air like a bad smell, more brutal than a kick in the gut.
Notes: Written for
coclaim100. Lyrics from “Perfect World” by Simple Plan.I never could have seen this far
I never could have seen this coming
It seems like my world’s falling apart (yeah)
Why is everything so hard?
I don’t think that I can deal
With the things you said
It just won’t go away
The words hung in the air like a bad smell, more brutal than a kick in the gut.
I’m leaving.
She had actually said it. Inara had actually said it.
She was leaving.
Mal stared down the now empty catwalk where she had disappeared from only minutes earlier. Nothing in the verse would have prepared him for her admission. Nothing would have prepared him for the near fatal blow it gave him.
I’m leaving.
He could hear his heart shatter in his chest even as the words repeated over and over and over in his mind.
In a perfect world
This could never happen
In a perfect world
You’d still be here
And it makes no sense
I can just pick up the pieces
But to you this means nothing
Nothing at all
The day after they dropped Inara off at the Companion Training House, the play count on the capture Kaylee had taken of her had increased to 43 plays. It wasn’t just Mal who’d been watching. Of that he was certain. The crew – all of them – had watched it at least once, Kaylee several times more.
By the time it had turned up mysteriously in Mal’s bunk it was already on 42. He’d reached for it gingerly as if the slightest touch would break it and with a heavy heart had pressed the play button.
The scene in Inara’s room of her packing the last of her possessions filled the screen once more and the aching in his chest increased. He let the capture fall to his desk and angrily walked over to his bed.
Sitting down on it, he put his head in his hands and fought back the tears he longed to shed.
I used to think that I was strong
Until the day it all went wrong
I think I need a miracle to make it through (Yeah)
I wish that I could bring you back
I wish that I could turn back time
Cuz I can’t let go
I just can’t find my way (Yeah)
Without you I just can’t find my way
He had been fine before Inara had arrived on Serenity – shiny, in fact – so why was it that now that she was gone, everything was falling apart? He had forgotten how to smile without her presence on the ship and his thoughts were filled with nothing but her.
He wanted to forget her. He wanted his mind erased of her scent. He wanted to close his eyes and not see her face.
He was in the woods once more, but this time the path was blocked.
In a perfect world
This could never happen
In a perfect world
You’d still be here
And it makes no sense
I can just pick up the pieces
But to you this means nothing
Nothing at all
Nightmares. He had started having nightmares.
He’d had plenty of them from the war, but none like these. These ones were all about her. These ones were about that day; that moment. They were tearing him apart.
I’m leaving.
He almost longed for the vivid images of his war buddies falling around him.
I don’t know what I should do now
I don’t know where I should go
I’m still here waiting for you
I’m lost when you’re not around
I need to hold onto you
I just can’t let you go
(Yeah, Yeah)
It finally hit him one day as he was watching the capture of Inara for the 97th time that he missed her.
He missed her more than he cared to admit.
He longed to put his arms around her and hold her close.
He longed to run his fingers through her hair and hear her voice once more.
He couldn’t let her go.
He couldn’t forget.
In a perfect world
This could never happen
In a perfect world
You’d still be here
And it makes no sense
I can just pick up the pieces
But to you this means nothing
Nothing at all
Nothing was going to change the situation. Nothing was going to bring Inara back. Mal knew it in his heart.
He had no choice but to go on, to keep flying.
Inara had left and that was all there was to it.
You feel nothing
Nothing at all
Nothing at all
Worse than anything was the thought that to Inara, none of it meant a damn thing.