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Occasionally I read comments, status updates and/or blog entries made by people I know or knew in the past and end up feeling sick that I ever thought well of them. In some cases, like tonight, what they wrote turns me against humanity in general until I can accept again that not all people see things the way I do and that there are grey areas. Nothing is perfect. Some people think rules are there only to be broken. Stupid risks are there to be taken and leaped for. Respect and manners are not worth shit.
See, I'm more of a cautious person and I care about others. Or at least I like to think I am. I'm not sure it's a good thing or not. I could do with some more excitement in my life, certainly. I could do without slowing down to let someone else past on occasion, and to let myself move past them first. I could really do with putting myself first sometimes. But I don't. I let others go before me. I take the path that will result in the smaller amount of conflict and may just make someone else's day less stressful in the process.
But then, something someone said or says will remind me. The reason why I don't like to communicate with people these days and the reason I avoid conflict is that mostly, they suck. They're in it for themselves. They don't care about what I think or about me, even while I step out of their way and let them go ahead. (Let it be known I'm referring to people I'm not exactly close to. My friends do care, I think, and my boyfriend does. But these people I know or knew or am very loosely acquainted with or don't know at all, don't.)
People ... are complex. They all have their own motives and dreams and desires and they have attitudes and hidden agendas and nasty little voices inside their heads that criticise others and pick at them til there is no flesh left on their bones to tear off into tiny pieces. People are destructive and it seems the entire human race exists merely because it thrives on conflict and life is full of conflict (most of which is caused by... you guessed it. People.) It's a vicious cycle.
No one cares about anyone but their own inner circle anymore and nobody cares if they hurt a stranger on the road to putting themselves further up the metaphorical chain. No one cares.
Sometimes I'll be asked a question: "Why don't you talk much?"
I don't know why I didn't talk much when I was younger. Shyness, I suppose. Now though, my reasons have changed. Why don't I talk much? Because most people just aren't worth the effort.
See, I'm more of a cautious person and I care about others. Or at least I like to think I am. I'm not sure it's a good thing or not. I could do with some more excitement in my life, certainly. I could do without slowing down to let someone else past on occasion, and to let myself move past them first. I could really do with putting myself first sometimes. But I don't. I let others go before me. I take the path that will result in the smaller amount of conflict and may just make someone else's day less stressful in the process.
But then, something someone said or says will remind me. The reason why I don't like to communicate with people these days and the reason I avoid conflict is that mostly, they suck. They're in it for themselves. They don't care about what I think or about me, even while I step out of their way and let them go ahead. (Let it be known I'm referring to people I'm not exactly close to. My friends do care, I think, and my boyfriend does. But these people I know or knew or am very loosely acquainted with or don't know at all, don't.)
People ... are complex. They all have their own motives and dreams and desires and they have attitudes and hidden agendas and nasty little voices inside their heads that criticise others and pick at them til there is no flesh left on their bones to tear off into tiny pieces. People are destructive and it seems the entire human race exists merely because it thrives on conflict and life is full of conflict (most of which is caused by... you guessed it. People.) It's a vicious cycle.
No one cares about anyone but their own inner circle anymore and nobody cares if they hurt a stranger on the road to putting themselves further up the metaphorical chain. No one cares.
Sometimes I'll be asked a question: "Why don't you talk much?"
I don't know why I didn't talk much when I was younger. Shyness, I suppose. Now though, my reasons have changed. Why don't I talk much? Because most people just aren't worth the effort.
