"...in every face there's a vacant stare..."

[xfirefly9x]

Occasionally I read comments, status updates and/or blog entries made by people I know or knew in the past and end up feeling sick that I ever thought well of them. In some cases, like tonight, what they wrote turns me against humanity in general until I can accept again that not all people see things the way I do and that there are grey areas. Nothing is perfect. Some people think rules are there only to be broken. Stupid risks are there to be taken and leaped for. Respect and manners are not worth shit.

See, I'm more of a cautious person and I care about others. Or at least I like to think I am. I'm not sure it's a good thing or not. I could do with some more excitement in my life, certainly. I could do without slowing down to let someone else past on occasion, and to let myself move past them first. I could really do with putting myself first sometimes. But I don't. I let others go before me. I take the path that will result in the smaller amount of conflict and may just make someone else's day less stressful in the process.

But then, something someone said or says will remind me. The reason why I don't like to communicate with people these days and the reason I avoid conflict is that mostly, they suck. They're in it for themselves. They don't care about what I think or about me, even while I step out of their way and let them go ahead. (Let it be known I'm referring to people I'm not exactly close to. My friends do care, I think, and my boyfriend does. But these people I know or knew or am very loosely acquainted with or don't know at all, don't.)

People ... are complex. They all have their own motives and dreams and desires and they have attitudes and hidden agendas and nasty little voices inside their heads that criticise others and pick at them til there is no flesh left on their bones to tear off into tiny pieces. People are destructive and it seems the entire human race exists merely because it thrives on conflict and life is full of conflict (most of which is caused by... you guessed it. People.) It's a vicious cycle.

No one cares about anyone but their own inner circle anymore and nobody cares if they hurt a stranger on the road to putting themselves further up the metaphorical chain. No one cares.

Sometimes I'll be asked a question: "Why don't you talk much?"

I don't know why I didn't talk much when I was younger. Shyness, I suppose. Now though, my reasons have changed. Why don't I talk much? Because most people just aren't worth the effort.

Comments

[karlamartinova.livejournal.com]

You have there many true words!

[xfirefly9x.livejournal.com]

Thanks. Nice to know someone agrees.

[solaris242.livejournal.com]

Have I mentioned how awesome you are recently?
Cos you really are.

[xfirefly9x.livejournal.com]

Aww, that's sweet. :)
You're awesome too.

[datnetie.livejournal.com]

Funny enough you are speaking my mind at the moment. Have similar thoughts regarding certain RL friends who acted like shit the past few months and always try to make me feel bad about it and ask why I don't stay in contact with them...

Also so many people seem to have respect what so ever - it's scary sometimes... Most of the time I ask myself what the world is becoming and then shy away cause I really don't want to know the answer when I see people like that.

[xfirefly9x.livejournal.com]

Hmm, sorry to hear that. Doesn't sound like a pleasant situation to be in.

Yeah, agreed.

[thevera.livejournal.com]

Word to everything from People ... are complex. to It's a vicious cycle. Though I'd add insecurities to the list.

This realization scares me sometimes. How can people get along and ever be happy when they're all these complex individuals with their own individual complexities? (Yes, I'm aware this sentence was incredibly dull.)

Sorry, just having a weird 'OMG! universe!' mood. ;)

[xfirefly9x.livejournal.com]

Insecurities, yep. That's true.

It's not incredibly dull. ;) Makes perfect sense to me.

Had that sort of mood for a lot of today.

[swfc008.livejournal.com]

It's actually freaky how your thoughts mirror mine. And the whole paragraph in regarding to people being complex, I'm in total agreement.

I tend to frustrate my best friend as well as my other friends a lot especially in regards to why I tend to not put myself first and always put everyone else first before me. I've tried to do that but it backfired in my face big time so in the end, I retreated and just decided that it'll be safer to put everyone first before me. It's easier that way, actually. It's not a good thing but the less drama that comes out from it, the better.

Because most people just aren't worth the effort.

THIS.

[xfirefly9x.livejournal.com]

Actually, that brings me to something else. I think too that a lot of people are more alike than they think.. and that despite that,... well. *points to post* Makes it even more frustrating.

Yeah. It's not nice trying to put yourself ahead and then having it blow up in your face. Been there myself. I don't see why I should change who I am, how I act and so on, with some of that sort of thing, but that said it'd be nice to be able to put myself first sometimes in those situations and not have to worry that it'll go badly.

Bad as it sounds.. yeah.