xfirefly9x

I've watched this opening scene (behind lj-cut) so many times that I've lost count and it gets funnier every time. A few keywords to pull you in: dating and mausoleums.

OPEN AT ELDER GILMORE RESIDENCE
[Lorelai and Rory have just arrived]
LORELAI: Thanks. Man, is it cold out there.
RORY: I know, I’m freezing.
EMILY: Well, come on in and sit by the fire. I’ll make you both a drink and then we can talk.
RORY: About what?
LORELAI: Antennas up.
RORY: Aye aye, captain.
[they walk to the living room]
EMILY: So Lorelai, how are you?
LORELAI: Um, I’m fine Mom.
EMILY: Rory?
RORY: I’m fine too, Grandma.
LORELAI: How are you Mom?
EMILY: Also fine.
LORELAI: Oh, look at that. All three of us fine, just like the Judds.
EMILY: So Lorelai, are you dating?
LORELAI: Uh, hm, no, I’m not dating.
EMILY: Really? There’s no one at all?
LORELAI: No, totally single.
EMILY: Any chance you’d get back with Max?
LORELAI: No Mom, there’s no chance.
EMILY: What about the man at the diner, the one who refuses to shave?
LORELAI: Luke, he’s just a friend Mom.
EMILY: Do you think you’ll be single your entire life?
LORELAI: Excuse me?
EMILY: I mean, in terms of your finding someone, what do you think the odds are?
LORELAI: Okay, what is going on?
EMILY: Well, I visited the family mausoleum today.
LORELAI: Never what you think it’s gonna be!
EMILY: I just wanted to check on things, make sure they were keeping it up, changing the flowers, you know.
LORELAI: Uh huh.
EMILY: So I went inside and looked around and it occurred to me that there’s a very limited space there.
LORELAI: Oh.
EMILY: Now of course there’s a slot open for me and Richard and you and Rory, but after the two of you – that’s it. No more room for anyone else.
LORELAI: Ah.
EMILY: Yes. So if you actually do meet someone someday, I don’t know where to put him.
LORELAI: Well, maybe we could just dump him at the local pool hall.
EMILY: Don’t be silly.
LORELAI: No, because this is definitely not a conversation for that.
EMILY: I looked into expanding into the crypt next door but the family that owns it wouldn’t even discuss it with me.
RORY: I’m getting a little creeped out here.
EMILY: So I talked to the head of the cemetery and he suggested that we buy an annex.
RORY: An annex?
EMILY: Yes.
LORELAI: You know, like an outlet store, it would specialize in the irregular family members.
EMILY: So if we do get the annex and you do eventually someday get married…
LORELAI: Mom, just say it – fat chance – will you?
EMILY: I just meant that we’ll have to decide who to move.
LORELAI: Oh, oh. Well, uh. . .ugh, why don’t we move Aunt Cecile? She was always so annoying at parties. She loved the knock-knock jokes.
RORY: Mom!
LORELAI: What?
RORY: You can’t just kick out Aunt Cecile.
LORELAI: Knock-knock. Who’s there? Pineapple. Pineapple who? That’s where it ended. Never fully grasped the knock-knock concept.
EMILY: She was a complete idiot. Okay, it’s decided – Cecile goes.
LORELAI: Good.
RORY: Look - put me in the annex.
LORELAI: Unh uh. No way. You are not leaving me alone in there with Cecile.
RORY: Well I’m not gonna be held responsible for somebody being kicked out of their eternal resting place.
LORELAI: Ooh, I have an idea. I’ll probably go first, right? So when Rory kicks, just throw her in with me.
RORY: I’d like my own space if you don’t mind.
LORELAI: Why? It’d totally be fun to be there together. Plus I plan to be buried with all the good CD’s and my rock star belt.
[Richard comes down the steps]
RICHARD: Sorry I’m late. What did I miss?
EMILY: We were just discussing who to move to the annex.
RICHARD: Oh. I vote for Cecile. Horrible woman, and those terrible jokes.
LORELAI: What’d I tell you?
RORY: This is a cold, cold family.
[Opening Credits]